The Blur
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Two weeks ago, I was teaching the Juniors class exactly what they asked for: how to think about a school shooting. It is a subject I dread, especially having a wife who teaches as well.

A large component of our system is based on holistic self-defense, so I was less than excited to teach something I felt was important but not as important as mental and emotional stress inoculation. Then, after a lesson from Coach Blauer, I realized that we cannot teach someone to prepare for something they do not take seriously. We worked through drills designed to improve the students' mental speed if the worst ever happened.

After class, my nine-year-old, Ri, was shaken. She told me I should not be surprised if she snuck into my bed that night. She did not — but I was ready for her to. I was shaken too.

Even so, one of the most important parts of the SPEAR System shines through when we talk about holistic self-defense and school violence.

D1 — Detect

I asked the kids to give examples of who they thought might become a school shooter and what that person might look like. Their answers were familiar: kids who do not fit in, are bullied, are socially isolated, or are being antagonized by others.

I told them that detection means taking the next step and paying attention to who those kids are. When you already recognize that someone seems isolated or troubled, a meaningful change in behavior may be easier to notice. That awareness can help us make safer choices and bring concerns to a trusted adult.

D2 — Defuse

If someone has reached the point of planning an attack, they may already be far beyond the point where another student can simply defuse them. Instead, I emphasized how important it is for the kids to learn to defuse themselves: to work through the cycle of behavior and activate righteous indignation for themselves, not only for their friends.

The kids felt confident that they could act if a physical threat demanded it. So I gave them a harder question.

D3 — Defend

I reminded them that a child in the United States is more likely to die by suicide than in a school shooting. If they are genuinely concerned about school violence, there is another timeline of harm they should be prepared to recognize as well.

If they see a kid who is socially isolated or struggling, reaching out — even when it feels uncomfortable — can be the safer and more courageous choice. I challenged them to consider whether the courage they imagine using in a crisis can also be used to approach the loner and risk a little social discomfort by being kind to someone everyone else ignores.

It is easy to talk about protecting ourselves in a situation that is possible but may never happen. Reaching out to another person is an opportunity we have every day.

One of the things I value about being a SPEAR Coach is being an options facilitator. I do not tell people what to do. But I do try to be as kind as I can be, mentally and emotionally, to everyone. Those are the kinds of students I think will not only be safer themselves, but will become courageous bystanders for someone else.

Self-defense is not only about what we do when we are in physical danger.