What do you Really Need to Defend Yourself From?

Getting my degree in Criminology was a fluke. It was long before I knew what coffee was—or that I had ADHD—and it was the only major I could get into college with. The plan was to switch to psychology or sociology, but those programs were too impacted.

During my first semester, I accidentally enrolled in an upper-division course: Inequality in the Criminal Justice System. It blew my mind. I learned so much about inequity, injustice, and what we should really be afraid of that I never looked back.

That class taught me who really hurts us.

According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, “About 90% of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by someone known and trusted by the child or the child’s family members” (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention [CDC], 2024).

The World Health Organization reports that in the U.S., approximately 76% of female murder victims were killed by someone they knew (World Health Organization [WHO], 2021).

And for men, the danger is often internal. Men account for roughly 80% of suicides and are about three times more likely to die by suicide than by homicide (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention [CDC], 2023).

I had just started my martial arts school to help people protect themselves—and suddenly I was faced with the realization that, for kids and women, it’s almost always someone they know who hurts them.

And worse, as a man, you’re statistically more likely to be killed by yourself than by anyone else.

That terrified me—especially after I had my first daughter.

How do you teach self-defense to kids, women, and men when the most likely assailant isn’t a stranger lurking in the dark, but someone you love?

Teaching a child to “betray” a trusted adult, or your daughter to fight off someone she’s been close to for months, isn’t as simple as teaching a technique.

Kajukenbo—known for its street-effective fighting—had no tools for this kind of threat.

As I continued studying psychology, I searched for the missing link in self-defense: the ability to protect yourself when the assailant is someone you care about.

I mean, have you ever had to hip-throw your twin brother when he was drunk and psychotic?

That doesn’t exactly help him heal—or strengthen your relationship.

Eventually, I discovered the SPEAR System. It helped. It reframed the body as a human weapon and made scenario training possible. More importantly, it taught me to manage fear instead of getting stuck in it.

Coach Blauer defines self-defense as _“the decision to choose safety when danger is imminent.”_

So, if you’re still reading this—how can you choose safety right now?

And what is _danger_ for you?

As a man who’s lost his identical twin to suicide, I am ten times more likely to die by suicide than the average person (Roy et al., 1991).

When I get up in the morning, my goal is to find safety from the dangers that are most likely to threaten me. When someone tells me, “You know, not getting enough sleep greatly increases your risk for dementia,” I can’t help but think—_I’d love to live long enough to have that problem in my 70s._

I’m far more susceptible to depression than to dementia. Safety isn’t universal—it’s personal. We all face different biological, environmental, and social dangers. Our job is to recognize them—and shut the door before they get in.

That requires both self-awareness and situational awareness.

So let me ask you:

Do you know what you’re most susceptible to?

Are you making daily choices that move you toward danger—or toward safety?

Take a moment today to stop and ask yourself,

_“Is this helping me protect myself, or is it quietly leading me closer to danger?”_

References

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2024, May 16). _About child sexual abuse._ U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. [https://www.cdc.gov/child-abuse-neglect/about/about-child-sexual-abuse.html]()

World Health Organization. (2021, March 9). _Violence against women: Key facts._ [https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/violence-against-women]()

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2023, December 12). _Suicide data and statistics: Fatal injury reports, United States, 2023 provisional._ National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, WISQARS. [https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/facts/data.html]()

Statham, D. J., Heath, A. C., Madden, P. A., Bucholz, K. K., Bierut, L., Dinwiddie, S. H., Slutske, W. S., Dunne, M. P., Whitfield, J. B., Martin, N. G., & Eaves, L. J. (1998). Suicidal behaviour: An epidemiological and genetic study. Psychological Medicine, 28(4), 839–855. [https://doi.org/10.1017/S0033291798006916]()

Roy, A., Segal, N. L., Centerwall, B. S., & Robinette, C. D. (1991). Suicide in twins. _Archives of General Psychiatry, 48_(1), 29–32.

Author: Will

Will Deutschendorf is the Chief Instructor at Blur MA, holding black belts in Shaolin and Hawaiian Kempo. He has trained in various martial arts and competed in multiple combat sports. Will is also known for playing Baby Oscar in Ghostbusters II (1989).