Self-Control: Making ‘I Want’ Fun

Hey there,

It’s Will again. Have you ever modeled self-control to you’re kids? Sometimes it looks different than you think.

Here’s an interesting modeling technique for your kids when you know you have an area of weakness.

I was chanting in the car on the way to pick up baby Hope from my in-laws. I turned to Allie and Riri.

“Are you ready?”

They both looked nervous — they know their dad can be… unpredictable at times.

“For what?”

“I’m going to yell.”

They laughed. “Okay.”

I yelled as loud as I could — until my throat hurt.

Riri whispered, “I didn’t think it was going to bethat loud.”

Allie added, “Or that long.”

I’m not known for my self-control “I wont” power around the house. In fact, I asked Riri to hide a box of Oreos from me earlier this week.

I find it easier to have systems. If you know your left hook doesn’t land — don’t throw it.

If you know you’re about to say something that’ll tick your wife off — make it harder to talk.

Now, I believe in self-mastery. Tony Blauer teaches that performance has two parts:

Capacity:What you can dotoday

Potential:What you could dosomeday

I’ve often found myself as the go-between — the translator — between my wife and her parents. She sees them more like business partners.

If you know me, that drives me crazy. I’m transparent and personable; I like to speak from the heart. But that’s not always what’s needed.

What started as a calm explanation — “Sharon doesn’t want to come over because she’s pregnant again and worried swhat you will say” — turned into her parents saying hurtful things I wasgladshe didn’t hear.

I learned to never have crucial conversations after a Ninja Night though.

I lost sight of the most importantanimal cardI’m always working on.

What began as a moment of strength — telling them the truth — turned into one of the worst arguments I’ve ever had with my wife because of what I said to her parents.

I didn’t want to make the same mistake again. So this time, I made a different choice.

I don’t think I have the capacitytodayto forgive them for what they said.

But I do have the capacity to protect what matters.

So I yelled. I made it hurt to talk.

And that, my friends, wastactical.

More importantly, it was in alignment with the last ingredient inThe Willpower Instinct:

My “I want” power.

Author: Will